WEDDINGS PISS ME OFF.

i am tired of doing the "what do i wear to a straight wedding?" dance. it used to be a lot worse, but by now i only have a momentary twinge of omgiamgonnalooklikesuchafreak and then i set my jaw, tidy my tie, and move on. what irks is that it takes so much energy to brace myself for what i know is going to be an unpleasant experience.

i am tired of sitting through a catholic mass, listening to some smug sonofavirgin pontificate about the beauty of Men and Women and how they are Made For Each Other. and the adam's rib bullshit. it makes me feel homicidal.

i am tired of feeling the urge to make out in church, just to wipe those self-satisfied smirks off the holier-than-thou.

i am tired of being praised for attending a wedding, as if i were such a good uncle tom to put aside my cute little beliefs in favor of supporting Dear Patriarchy, when they have no fucking idea what kind of self-control it takes to just sit in that damn pew with a neutral expression on my face.

i am tired of having to make that decision every time, the one between supporting the individual person or persons i care about and rejecting sexist & homophobic bullshit that harms my mental health.

i am tired of showing up at a church and pretending for two hours: pretending i'm not pissed off and insulted, pretending i'm celebrating like everyone else, pretending i don't notice that i don't belong, pretending i don't care that this ritual excludes me in every possible way.

i am tired of the complete and utter hypocrisy. if you are tsk tsking that oh dear this is so not fair, if you know it's a sham, how can you be complicit in it? how dare you ask me to? why don't you change it?

i am tired of caring about weddings. i am tired of attending them. i am tired of being invited to them. i am tired of being upset by them. i am tired of being excluded by them whether i attend or stay home.

UPDATE:
to clarify, weddings piss me off because, if you go the traditional route, they are not just about the couple involved and how much they love each other. they are about the couple involved and how heterolove is the only kind that counts, and how everyone else is a fucking deluded pervert.