i'm it

i guess i will play this game of tag, since ed tagged me.

These are the rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random (I'm assuming random here means "unexpected") facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write in their own blog about their eight things and include these rules in the post.
4. At the end of your post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

These are the facts:

1. i think my real name sounds like the stage name of a swedish porn star. in a bad way.
2. rabbits give me the creeps.
3. when i was a little kid, whenever my mom would say i couldn't do something i would respond, "my OTHER [imaginary] mommy would let me!" and stomp off.
4. my [not-imaginary] mom called me "princess thundercloud," for obvious reasons.
5. i own two violins, two guitars, an electric keyboard, a soprano recorder, and a tin whistle.
6. i drove, by myself, from winterhaven, fl to philadelphia, pa in one day.
7. i am addicted to really trashy sci fi/fantasy novels.
8. i have to concentrate really hard to properly pronounce the word "lilith," and i really hope i never have to interact with anyone named lily on a regular basis. i think i might just resort to "hey you."

i don't know eight people with blogs, but here's my list:
deceptively packaged
leigh
bilateral bitch
tamper
wizgeneric

tenuous & tenacious

today was hard on the "emotionally draining" front. i'm the faculty advisor for the campus gay/straight alliance, so some of the students come talk to me about their personal baggage. today i saw two of them, a few hours apart.

the first one is really tough, hangs out with the guys, plays football, punches walls, but she's also very sweet and perceptive. she told me she wants to find someone to have a real relationship with, and that when she does she wants to take it slow, and that a lot of girls don't understand that. she ultimately wants to be a police officer in LA. she's joining the marines this summer because she can't wait to get out of her mother's house.

the second one is working full-time at wendy's and taking classes, and she just moved back in with her grandfather. her parents kicked her out when she was fourteen, and i'd guess she's 18 or 19 now. she lived with her girlfriend for the time in between, but now they've broken up, and she's completely at a loss. she wants to be a social worker and help kids. she told her family she's not gay anymore so they'll let her come home.

both of these girls come from low-income families, they're both smart but a bit behind the educational curve, and both of them have told me in so many words that they feel hopeless. they're looking for a better life.

i don't know what it's like to be on my own from the age of 14. i don't know what it's like to feel like joining the marines is a good choice. i give them the only advice that i have. i tell them to take care of themselves, find a way to be independent, get an education. i tell them to make friends, because when your family fails you, you make your own. they are moving forward, even with the incredible pressure they're under. they're obviously strong and capable. i just wish i could make it easier on them somehow.

respite

today i'm at home on a comp day, because work is kicking my ass. i had a really intense committee meeting yesterday in which i had to argue with the VP of IT against filtering the campus computers. this shouldn't have been a "me against 3 people from IT" conversation, but that's what it turned into, and i'm not really sure who came out ahead. suffice to say i stood my ground but it wasn't pleasant.

on top of that, i'm the faculty advisor for the queer student group on campus, which is languishing. a lot of the active students graduated, and since this college has a really high turnover rate it's hard to get anyone to commit. we're in a conservative county, and the college has a pretty uptight atmosphere, so i know the kids need this group. i'm not going to let it die, but i don't have time to run the thing by myself. it doesn't help that the guy who's supposed to be supporting all the student clubs is licking his lips over the thought of this particular club biting the dust.

then we have the fact that i haven't written a damn thing in months. and i feel like i'm getting another sinus infection (this would be number four since november). and i'm just completely EXHAUSTED.

le sigh.

today i think i will sit in front of the tv, listen to the brandi carlile cd i got on itunes with a birthday gift card, and plot my next tattoo. otherwise i may have to make the dog into a furry purse, and nobody wants that.

happy birthday

happy birthday, roe v. wade. i didn't think you'd make it.

WEDDINGS PISS ME OFF.

i am tired of doing the "what do i wear to a straight wedding?" dance. it used to be a lot worse, but by now i only have a momentary twinge of omgiamgonnalooklikesuchafreak and then i set my jaw, tidy my tie, and move on. what irks is that it takes so much energy to brace myself for what i know is going to be an unpleasant experience.

i am tired of sitting through a catholic mass, listening to some smug sonofavirgin pontificate about the beauty of Men and Women and how they are Made For Each Other. and the adam's rib bullshit. it makes me feel homicidal.

i am tired of feeling the urge to make out in church, just to wipe those self-satisfied smirks off the holier-than-thou.

i am tired of being praised for attending a wedding, as if i were such a good uncle tom to put aside my cute little beliefs in favor of supporting Dear Patriarchy, when they have no fucking idea what kind of self-control it takes to just sit in that damn pew with a neutral expression on my face.

i am tired of having to make that decision every time, the one between supporting the individual person or persons i care about and rejecting sexist & homophobic bullshit that harms my mental health.

i am tired of showing up at a church and pretending for two hours: pretending i'm not pissed off and insulted, pretending i'm celebrating like everyone else, pretending i don't notice that i don't belong, pretending i don't care that this ritual excludes me in every possible way.

i am tired of the complete and utter hypocrisy. if you are tsk tsking that oh dear this is so not fair, if you know it's a sham, how can you be complicit in it? how dare you ask me to? why don't you change it?

i am tired of caring about weddings. i am tired of attending them. i am tired of being invited to them. i am tired of being upset by them. i am tired of being excluded by them whether i attend or stay home.

UPDATE:
to clarify, weddings piss me off because, if you go the traditional route, they are not just about the couple involved and how much they love each other. they are about the couple involved and how heterolove is the only kind that counts, and how everyone else is a fucking deluded pervert.

nausea

when is a tinfoil hat not a tinfoil hat? right now.

from the ny times (emphasis mine):

The measure would broaden the definition of enemy combatants beyond the traditional definition used in wartime, to include noncitizens living legally in the United States as well as those in foreign countries and anyone determined to be an enemy combatant under criteria defined by the president or secretary of defense.

It would strip at Guantánamo detainees of the habeas right to challenge their detention in court, relying instead on procedures known as combatant status review trials. Those trials have looser rules of evidence than the courts.

It would allow of evidence seized in this country or abroad without a search warrant to be admitted in trials.

The bill would also bar the admission of evidence obtained by cruel and inhuman treatment, except any obtained before Dec. 30, 2005, when Congress enacted the Detainee Treatment Act, that a judge declares reliable and probative.

"Senate Approves Broad New Rules to Try Detainees" 9/29/06

see also "We are now officially living in a dictatorship": http://scienceblogs.com/clock/2006/09/we_are_now_officially_living_i.php

calling orwell...

apparently some recent alterations have made it so that the "compromise" bill on torture "does not distinguish between foreign nationals and American citizens. It applies to anyone who “supports hostilities” against the United States. Anyone can be arbitrarily declared an ‘enemy’ of the United States, subjected to torture, and locked away for life. No legal charges necessary; the President just has to decide that you’re a bad guy." (http://www.reclusiveleftist.com/?p=395)

WTF.

democracy in this country is seriously screwed.

in which the protagonist asks, "what is the point?"

i have found it very freeing, over the course of my not-terribly-long life, to disregard, as often as possible, the Way Things Are Done(tm). yes, i eat cheerios for breakfast and watch tv and do christmas even though i'm an atheist. but as far as the prescriptive american life plan, for the most part i'm having none of it. this means i feel no great urge to move to a big house in the suburbs, or buy an suv, or be the blushing bride in a white wedding (putting aside for rhetorical puposes the whole gov-hates-fags situation, not to mention some serious gender incongruities). i have no interest in the traditional trappings of femininity, or hyper-capitalism, which isn't to say that i've managed to somehow live outside those overwhelming societal machines, but rather that i don't actively work on fitting into them. mostly, that crap doesn't matter to me, so i do my best to ignore it.

this means that in a lot of ways i have more flexibility than i would if i were a less contrary sort of person.

the problem is, those schedules and dime store novel plots by which many people order their lives are not just restrictive, but also comforting and supportive. if you know and accept that it is your duty in life to have a white wedding, buy a mcmansion on a golf course, and spend all your money on gas guzzlers and satellite dishes, you're relieved of the stress of having to figure out what in the hell to do next.

this, you might have guessed, is where i am right now. what next?

since no obvious next step is readily apparent, i've been going over in my mind what i've accomplished so far, in search of clues. i'm pretty happy with what i've done so far. i have a graduate degree, a career, a relationship, a dog, a cat, a hybrid. i've published some poetry. i have a cool tattoo, and a lot of books. but now what?

the culural dictate for my particular age group is: wed & spawn. or, failing that, get ahead. none of these things is really all that relevant to my life. i'm as wed as i'm going to get, kids aren't going to be in the picture any time soon (if at all), and i'm not so sure i want to get ahead in my current profession. still, i keep having this feeling that i want to Do Something. and, in the great tradition of my dna donors, i have no idea what that something might be.

argh.

remember the handmaid's tale

this is disgusting: http://bitingbeaver.blogspot.com/2006/09/morality-clauses-ec-and-broken-condoms.html.

this woman cannot get a prescription for emergency contraception today, in ohio, because she wasn't raped and she's not married. this situation is fucking unacceptable.

when EC goes over the counter in january, then we'll just have to fight with pharmacists instead of doctors.

in case you were wondering...

i have nothing nice to say.

SF

here we are in lovely san francisco, and i have a cold. agh.

we're staying at the grant hotel, which is a nice homey sort of place. it's perfect for us, because i hate fancy hotels. the only drawback is that the bed is somewhat lumpy. other than that, the staff is very nice, and the room is cozy, and it's in a fantastic location.

we knocked out all the museums we wanted to see in the first two days, and now we're on to playing. we've hit most of the major neighborhoods for sightseeing: union square/downtown/nob hill (where we're staying), chinatown, fisherman's wharf, the embarcadero, golden gate park, SoMa, and today we're going to the castro! as you can imagine, i'm very excited about that.

i could imagine living here. for one thing, i'd never need to walk on a treadmill again. we're going to have buns of steel by the time we get home. also, the weather is perfect. it's been in the seventies here, with no humidity.

more later!

evil!

How evil are you?

stutter

i just realized that i just name-checked two brain-twisting books in two days. what can i say. my brain needs twisting.

it bears repeating

holy shit gender trouble is dense.

not a thing, but a probability of existing

i just started reading The Dancing Wu Li Masters, and i am fascinated. position or momentum, you make the call...

the god stick.

the number one reason i do not trust very many people who profess to be religious is because of the god stick. as in, i'm sick of being beaten with it. a lot of people use their religious beliefs to judge, shame, and harm other people, even if they claim they don't and even if their religion specifically forbids them to.

the rhetoric i hear reflects very badly on christians in particular. i don't think the talking heads and other loud mouths realize that there are people in this country whose only experience of the attitudes of the religious are through them. methinks the moderate, sane, intelligent, and honest religious folk would want to perhaps curb the nuts, if only for the sake of PR.

my opinion is, if you want me to respect your beliefs, you better respect my rights. and, news flash: i am not going to be your friend if your beliefs include some variation on the "your existence is an abomination and you're going to hell" theme.

i am not going to agree to disagree on my right to safely inhabit this planet. i only extend tolerance to people who are not trying, by word or deed, to annihilate me.