here's hoping

happy birthday, roe v. wade. may you have many more.

haircuts and other things

i got my hair cut last night. i've blogged about this before, but every time it happens i have to say it again: i LOVE getting my hair cut.

i have several theories (of course i do) about why this is. one is that it restores order, and i like order. by order i mean, it reinforces my sense of control over my physical self. some people have eating disorders; i have a haircut compulsion.

also, getting my hair cut is like... i was just going to say "cleaning up my image" which is a weird way to think about it (considering the implications of that statement) but i think that is exactly what i mean. a certain someone i know loves polishing silver for, i think, the same reason. silver gets tarnished and then you polish it up and what it really looks like (and really *should* look like) becomes clear.

i'm sure these things are not unusual. what might be unusual is my choice of haircut. i adore dyke hair. i actively work to make myself "look like a lesbian," and not out of any deep-seated self hatred but because i LIKE looking that way. like any other human being i change my appearance to improve it, not to turn myself into a troll.

i was reading an article in an anthology called "Looking Queer: Body Image and Identity in Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, and Transgender Communities" that i bought recently (because i'm a nerd and spend my xmas money on queer studies text books) that was about the concept of the "ugly lesbian." one especially interesting argument in the article is that the attributes that make some of us "ugly" to the outside world (basically all those butch attributes that make people so nervous) are the very things that we consider attractive and empowering about ourselves.

ugly dykes don't think they're ugly because they're NOT ugly. they just don't look like straight girls. my haircut and clothes and piercings and tattoos make me feel good about myself. possibly being perceived as ugly in terms of straight fashion means nothing to me, because those are not the standards i care to hold myself to. i like the autonomy of dressing queer because it means straight culture can't claim me.

obviously living in this society means that i am of this society, and so i know that the dominant cultural norms have and will continue to have an effect on me, but i feel lucky to be able to honestly say that i aspire to be an "ugly" dyke.

twins for my birthday?

what a present that would be!

my sister is currently in the hospital. earlier this evening she was having contractions, but they've managed to stop that for now. they're not done cooking, so i hope they stay in there a while longer. not to mention it might be a bit strange for them to not only have to share a birthday with each other but also with me.

besides, they don't have names yet!

26th

happy birthday to me.

yesterday

i completely neglected to write a terzanelle yesterday. instead i wrote a few lines about a dog or something. oh whatever. i stared at my computer screen for a good two hours and got nothing accomplished. again.

we did have a very nice dinner with friends in university city tho. i'm amazed that we don't spend more time hanging out down there. of course, if we do start spending more time there i'm probably going to be consumed with homesickness for college. bah.

ok, i might as well admit it. the only reason i'm writing this blog post is because i am having literary constipation and i'm hoping if i write SOMETHING it will clear up.

blah blah blah.

coughing up blood

yes, i am. but not in the omg ur gonna dieee!!!11!!! kind of way. just in the #$%(ing hell i hate coughing kind of way.

in other news, i'm back at work after a depressingly snot-filled vacation. i spent approximately four days in bed watching the fifth season of buffy. i also knit and tore out an entire scarf, and neglected to write a single word.

bah.

can i start this vacation over?

also, i will be 26 in six days. eep. my mother called to tell me i'm half her (and my father's) age and that that won't happen again until they're 104. that's a very weird way to think about it, but then they are what spawned me. weird is as weird...does? makes? well, does and makes are the same in french, so...

shutting up now.